On guitar...

I just finished playing guitar and my fingers feel raw and sensitive.

It gets like that when I don't play for a while, with the callouses gone.

Callouses.

They form when your fretting hand continuously presses down on the metal strings as you articulate or bend notes. At first, the flesh underneath gets sore from all that pressure and rubbing. So your skin thickens and hardens, forming a callous. Then it doesn't hurt as much, if at all.

I used to wear those callouses as a symbol of my commitment to the guitar; a badge of honour, if you will.

But my fingertips haven't been calloused for a while. For the past three years, I've been inconsistent in playing guitar. Earlier this year, I went three months without even touching it.

My younger self would be disgraced. I've berated friends in the past who stopped playing or cut down, saying 'How can you not play? Guitar is the shit. Disgrace.'

I was really passionate about guitar at the time.

Back then

I'd sit in my room for hours, trying to get down the latest solo or memorize a song so I could play all the way through. One Canada's Day, I missed the fireworks because I was in my room, trying to get down each part of Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix.

I played along to CD's, memorized song lyrics and chord progressions, read up on music theory, dissected songs on paper, and experimented with note combinations or techniques.

I played LOUD. Neighbours could hear me in the parking lot outside.

I jammed with other musicians whenever possible. That's where all the practice paid off. There's nothing like playing your favourite songs or making up one with others.

Gradually, I cut down on playing.

I began practicing more for the sake of practicing, just trying to maintain my finger dexterity and repertoire.

Then I played once in a while, only playing as a release or to figure out that infectious melody on the radio.

I've started to think about why I stopped playing, how I lost that passion.

Why?

Maybe it's because of my equipment. I've had the same setup - guitar, wah and distortion pedals, and amp - for four years. I'm kind of tired of the same tone. And my only guitar is not perfect.

Maybe it's because I fell into a rut. I was playing the same songs, making no progress on learning certain techniques or difficult solo sections.

Perhaps it's from not writing a composition of my own. I have a catalogue of ideas, stored on a simple recorder, written on paper, or that I just remember, but I have yet to write one full song.

Or maybe it's because I've never been in a band. I've jammed with a number of guys but we wouldn't have the chemistry or commitment to start a group.

Surely, not playing live has something to do with it. Is it a coincidence that it's been three years since I've performed onstage?

It's probably for some of these reasons that I stopped. Maybe all.

What to do?

I gotta develop a routine, like I'm doing with this blog. Set goals. Finish a full song. Maybe save up for a new guitar. And start jamming again.

For tonight though, I played along to old favourites: Megadeth, Metallica, Ozzy and Satriani.

It's a good start. I have to keep it up though. I wanna rediscover that passion for playing.

I want those callouses again.